Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?



Dispatcher:
911 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken
a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and
tired of it!



Dispatcher: 911
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm
all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way.
Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started
having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.



Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your
emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my
phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven
are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature
of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions
are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

i have one...

Dispatcher: 911 what is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: Help! I've been shot!
Dispatcher: How many times have you been shot?
Caller:this is my first time...

*gigglesnort*